My most recently learned lesson is that all of my problems can
be fixed, and the starting point is literally a first step. It sound simple
enough and it’s no great revelation to anyone, but to a person who over
complicates everything’s it is strange in its simplicity. Let me explain; now
if I were to think to myself, ‘I need to make friends’ I would assume that I
need to go somewhere or do something to interact with people. How would I do
this, where, when? Would I be prepared for the worries that come with it, can I
deal with the personal pressure of it all?
These questions naturally arise for someone with anxiety,
it’s not wrong to be over analytical due to worries or fears. But as I found,
it’s not as complicated as that. I know
for a fact that it takes as much effort to forget or try to pass these worries
as it is to jump through each hoop that it wants us to. I won’t presume to tell you (the reader) that
this is how it will work for you or that it will fix everything. But it cannot
harm to hear my experiences.
This revelation really started on the 24th of
July at my graduation. My heart pounded
in my chest the night before and didn’t seem to stop till it was all done and I
was left in a dazed state wondering how I made it through. Like I stated earlier, it was a step. I step out of bed, a step into the car, to
the gown fitting area and of course, a step onto the stage. I put my faith in the idea that my feet would
carry me through the day. I didn’t believe I could drive, my feet pushed down
the pedals and I found I pick up driving easily enough.
Now I can look at my foot prints and remind myself how
nervous I was when I stood each in step and how, now, looking back over the
many paces I have come that I made it through and I am stronger for it. Then
when I apply this logic to the many steps I will have to take it becomes less
daunting. Still nerve wracking, still worrying? It is human to fear the future
but, there is peace in the fact you placed one foot first and carried yourself
through.
Not to put to finer point on it but, you should true
strength and excellence by the very fact you are still striding forward, no
matter if it is a baby’s pace or if you are speeding along in your
progress. You should feel great pride in
the person you are that you have made it this far and that you will go further
and further. Each step adding to your armour and showing you that you can pass
each hurdle.
I’m well aware there will be pieces of writing that show my
cracks and bruises. But without the bad, which trust me I have experienced a
lot of, especially in the last few years; I would however not know the good.
Hell, I wouldn’t even know this sort of mediocre peace I enjoy at the moment.
There is a sort of, internal peace that comes when you
accept the fact you have stepped forward and will make it through, even if you
have to fall here and there on the way.
All my latest moments have started with one step, both literal and
metaphorically. I wish those I care for, those I don't and those I have yet to meet that they can overcome theirs fears as no one should be a prisoner of their own mind, rather, it should be their key to freedom.