Thursday, 31 July 2014

One foot at a time.

My most recently learned lesson is that all of my problems can be fixed, and the starting point is literally a first step. It sound simple enough and it’s no great revelation to anyone, but to a person who over complicates everything’s it is strange in its simplicity. Let me explain; now if I were to think to myself, ‘I need to make friends’ I would assume that I need to go somewhere or do something to interact with people. How would I do this, where, when? Would I be prepared for the worries that come with it, can I deal with the personal pressure of it all?

These questions naturally arise for someone with anxiety, it’s not wrong to be over analytical due to worries or fears. But as I found, it’s not as complicated as that.  I know for a fact that it takes as much effort to forget or try to pass these worries as it is to jump through each hoop that it wants us to.  I won’t presume to tell you (the reader) that this is how it will work for you or that it will fix everything. But it cannot harm to hear my experiences. 

This revelation really started on the 24th of July at my graduation.  My heart pounded in my chest the night before and didn’t seem to stop till it was all done and I was left in a dazed state wondering how I made it through.  Like I stated earlier, it was a step.  I step out of bed, a step into the car, to the gown fitting area and of course, a step onto the stage.  I put my faith in the idea that my feet would carry me through the day. I didn’t believe I could drive, my feet pushed down the pedals and I found I pick up driving easily enough.  
Now I can look at my foot prints and remind myself how nervous I was when I stood each in step and how, now, looking back over the many paces I have come that I made it through and I am stronger for it. Then when I apply this logic to the many steps I will have to take it becomes less daunting. Still nerve wracking, still worrying? It is human to fear the future but, there is peace in the fact you placed one foot first and carried yourself through. 

Not to put to finer point on it but, you should true strength and excellence by the very fact you are still striding forward, no matter if it is a baby’s pace or if you are speeding along in your progress.  You should feel great pride in the person you are that you have made it this far and that you will go further and further. Each step adding to your armour and showing you that you can pass each hurdle.
I’m well aware there will be pieces of writing that show my cracks and bruises. But without the bad, which trust me I have experienced a lot of, especially in the last few years; I would however not know the good. Hell, I wouldn’t even know this sort of mediocre peace I enjoy at the moment.

There is a sort of, internal peace that comes when you accept the fact you have stepped forward and will make it through, even if you have to fall here and there on the way.  All my latest moments have started with one step, both literal and metaphorically.  I wish those I care for, those I don't and those I have yet to meet that they can overcome theirs fears as no one should be a prisoner of their own mind, rather, it should be their key to freedom.

Monday, 28 July 2014

Idea about how a dating site should work.

I had an idea, a ‘dating’ website that centres on a self-written bio of your life. Your experiences, failures, challenges.  Anything you wish to put in it that centres away from physical descriptions of one’s self as much as possible. Rather than matching you to similar people you search up tags  that link you to numerous ‘stories’ that are tagged the same. This way you can read a few, message people and find different peoples stories before a word is even uttered between you both.

As a little experiment I have taken it upon myself  to try and write what I would put down to see if I get positive or negative reactions from friends about this idea.

Mikey Fieldhouse’s Story.

Born in a house in Seacroft, Leeds, Uk on the 10th of February 1990 to parents I have not met since. I was taken in by two loving parents who have spent their life’s nurturing my brother and sister, both blood related, and of course myself.  I have always been a bit of an odd one out, shy , awkward and not the most handsome but strong headed and loyal.  I was often bullied for that but it never seemed to stop me living my life or doing what I wanted, it was just one of those things. 
Never too good at school because of my education led me to spend most of my time on online forums, games and generally away from academia, ironic that I now hold a degree.  I had a small nerdy group of friends that I barely speak to and at college I went through various agonising and embarrassing stages trying to figure myself out.  I had a habit of always getting into rocky relationships and never seemed to be able to hold them down, I always thought, ‘boy, I sure know how to pick the crazy ones’.  I found soon after 18 that I liked to collect things, games, dvds, books, figures, manga’s and tattoos. I love my strange quirks and habits. I like to keep myself well looked after, clean.
I have made my fair share of mistakes, I don’t often mange to show my appreciation for the love I receive from people. I let my mental health eat away at me until only half a year ago or so now and lost a lot of respect for myself for my actions.  It took all my determination to get where I am now, I don’t want someone to fix me or hold my hand. I want someone to support and to support me.  I love to write and create but also sit on my ass with my partner and watch movies all day.
My only true rules for someone wanting to be with me is communication, loyalty and mutual attractiveness. I won’t say trust as trust is both built and earned.