Thursday, 31 July 2014

One foot at a time.

My most recently learned lesson is that all of my problems can be fixed, and the starting point is literally a first step. It sound simple enough and it’s no great revelation to anyone, but to a person who over complicates everything’s it is strange in its simplicity. Let me explain; now if I were to think to myself, ‘I need to make friends’ I would assume that I need to go somewhere or do something to interact with people. How would I do this, where, when? Would I be prepared for the worries that come with it, can I deal with the personal pressure of it all?

These questions naturally arise for someone with anxiety, it’s not wrong to be over analytical due to worries or fears. But as I found, it’s not as complicated as that.  I know for a fact that it takes as much effort to forget or try to pass these worries as it is to jump through each hoop that it wants us to.  I won’t presume to tell you (the reader) that this is how it will work for you or that it will fix everything. But it cannot harm to hear my experiences. 

This revelation really started on the 24th of July at my graduation.  My heart pounded in my chest the night before and didn’t seem to stop till it was all done and I was left in a dazed state wondering how I made it through.  Like I stated earlier, it was a step.  I step out of bed, a step into the car, to the gown fitting area and of course, a step onto the stage.  I put my faith in the idea that my feet would carry me through the day. I didn’t believe I could drive, my feet pushed down the pedals and I found I pick up driving easily enough.  
Now I can look at my foot prints and remind myself how nervous I was when I stood each in step and how, now, looking back over the many paces I have come that I made it through and I am stronger for it. Then when I apply this logic to the many steps I will have to take it becomes less daunting. Still nerve wracking, still worrying? It is human to fear the future but, there is peace in the fact you placed one foot first and carried yourself through. 

Not to put to finer point on it but, you should true strength and excellence by the very fact you are still striding forward, no matter if it is a baby’s pace or if you are speeding along in your progress.  You should feel great pride in the person you are that you have made it this far and that you will go further and further. Each step adding to your armour and showing you that you can pass each hurdle.
I’m well aware there will be pieces of writing that show my cracks and bruises. But without the bad, which trust me I have experienced a lot of, especially in the last few years; I would however not know the good. Hell, I wouldn’t even know this sort of mediocre peace I enjoy at the moment.

There is a sort of, internal peace that comes when you accept the fact you have stepped forward and will make it through, even if you have to fall here and there on the way.  All my latest moments have started with one step, both literal and metaphorically.  I wish those I care for, those I don't and those I have yet to meet that they can overcome theirs fears as no one should be a prisoner of their own mind, rather, it should be their key to freedom.

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